Volkswagen GTI Forums - My Fast GTi banner
1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,311 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How to Drive In Jersey:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is New-erk not
New-ark. (actually, it's pronounced NORK)

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday 's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the
parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Wussy."

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
go second. However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving,
cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey.
Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment and pleasure during
the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit
more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks,dogs, cats,
barrels, cones, celebs, pineys, rubber-neckers, shredded tir es, cell-phoners,
deer and other road kill, and the homeless feeding on any of
these items.

9. Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say
they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike ez pass lanes
are moved each night once again to make your ride more
exciting.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
activated" or thier blinker fluid may be low.

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone,
you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
If you return the flip, you'll be shot.


12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon
for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after
church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

;D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
We were driving in NJ, and in order to make a simple left you had to go past the turn, take a right, go along this long curving road, and go straight through the light you were just at. Seriously.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,311 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
lmunz22 said:
We were driving in NJ, and in order to make a simple left you had to go past the turn, take a right, go along this long curving road, and go straight through the light you were just at. Seriously.
Yeah- they did those to take out the traffic circles- Jersey logic: 3 rights make a left.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
I FREAKIN KNOW~~! i am from NY and the driving here is pretty bad..but i hate NJ! we went there for the show last month...and i hated the driving...but it was so worth it for the show.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,311 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
You might be a Jersey driver if...

  • Turn signals will give away your next move. A real New Jersey driver never uses them.

  • Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you,or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.


    • Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow.
    • The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
    • Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.
    • A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
    • Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. New Jersey is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
    • Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
    • Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
    • Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in New Jersey during rush hour.
    • Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a New Jersey driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
    • Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in New Jersey.
    • Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
    • Learn to swerve abruptly. New Jersey is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the State Highway Department, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
    • It is traditional in New Jersey to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
    • Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
      Remember that the goal of every New Jersey driver is to get there first,by whatever means necessary.
    • Real New Jersey women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at seventy-five miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
    • Real New Jersey men drivers can remove their girlfriend's panties and bra at seventy-five miles per hour or in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
    • In the New Jersey area 'flipping someone the bird' is considered a polite New Jersey salute. This gesture should always be returned. It's also the state known as the state bird.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
this is why true new jersians make for the best drivers dealing with more road hazards than the rest of the world combined. with the added fun of nope than bountiful amounts of open highway for free high speed training.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,311 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
07FURYMKV said:
this is why true new jersians make for the best drivers dealing with more road hazards than the rest of the world combined. with the added fun of nope than bountiful amounts of open highway for free high speed training.
So do the troopers still park old patrol cars on the side of AC Expressway with manaqueins inside?

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
i moved to jersey from houston.
driving in jersey sucks.
when i first got here i stopped for directions cuz my gps didnt work lol.
and they told me to take a jughandle and i was like... whaaa?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
179 Posts
Hahaha, I love #5. By the way, thanks for scarring me off, never going to jersey.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
446 Posts
ha i live in jesrey, i moved here from oklahoma... man first time i saw a uturn jughandle i was so confused but you get used to it. but i cant wait to get out..
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,266 Posts
I used to work in Hoboken and I had to drive into newark to get some parts from our warehouse. I was driving and( this is when I used to have my 2.0 slow jetta), some brotha came up next to me , said I cut him off , spit a sick loogie onto my window and proceeded to get out of the car with what looked like a knife, man I never spun my tire so fast in a 2.0slow jetta that much b4...its a jungle out there ;)
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
10,067 Posts
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks,dogs, cats,
barrels, cones, celebs, pineys, rubber-neckers, shredded tir es, cell-phoners,
deer and other road kill, and the homeless feeding on any of
these items.

EL Oh EL [fish]
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,535 Posts
I'm a jersey guy as well...relocated to Fort Worth TX....I personally feel like TX traffic is WAAAAAAAAAY worse than NJ
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top